Misconceptions About MIAMs: 9 Common Myths Debunked

9 Things People Get Wrong About MIAMs (And What Actually Happens)

Fact checked by Jess Knauf, Director of Client Strategy, 12.02.2026

If you have been told you need a MIAM before going to family court, you are probably feeling a bit overwhelmed. Perhaps you have heard conflicting things from friends, read confusing information online, or simply do not understand why you need to attend a meeting before making a court application. You are not alone.

There are a lot of misconceptions about MIAMs that stop people from getting the help they need, or leave them feeling anxious about something that is actually straightforward and designed to help. In this guide, we are going to tackle the most common myths head on, explain what a MIAM really involves, and help you feel confident about your next steps.

Whether you are dealing with a disagreement about where your children live, how finances should be split, or simply trying to understand the process, this guide is for you.

What Is a MIAM? A Quick Overview

Before we look at the myths, let’s make sure we are all on the same page about what a MIAM actually is.

A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) is a short meeting, usually lasting between 45 and 60 minutes, with a qualified family mediator. It is a legal requirement under Section 10 of the Children and Families Act 2014 before you can make most family court applications in England and Wales.

During a MIAM, the mediator will:

• Explain how mediation works and whether it might be suitable for your situation
• Discuss other forms of non-court dispute resolution (NCDR), such as arbitration or collaborative law
• Carry out safeguarding checks
• Help you understand your options for resolving your dispute without going to court
• If mediation is not suitable, sign the necessary court forms so you can proceed with your application

A MIAM is not mediation itself. It is an information meeting, and it is an important first step in the process.

Myth 1: “I Only Need a MIAM if I Am Getting Divorced”

This is one of the biggest misconceptions about MIAMs. Many people assume that MIAMs are only relevant to couples going through a divorce. That is simply not true.

You will usually need a MIAM before applying to the family court for:

• Child arrangements (where children live, who they spend time with)
• Financial orders (dividing property, pensions, savings, or debts)
• Specific issue orders (disagreements about schooling, medical treatment, or holidays)
• Prohibited steps orders (preventing a parent from taking a specific action)
• Grandparent contact applications

MIAMs apply to a wide range of family disputes, not just divorce. If you are a separated parent who was never married, a grandparent struggling to see your grandchildren, or a couple disagreeing about finances after separation, a MIAM is likely to be your first step.

Myth 2: “A MIAM Is the Same as Mediation”

This is a really common misunderstanding, and it is one that puts a lot of people off. A MIAM is not mediation. They are two separate things.

Here is a simple comparison:

A MIAM is your chance to learn about your options. Mediation is what may follow if both parties agree to take part. You are never forced into mediation just because you attend a MIAM.

Myth 3: “If I Attend a MIAM, I Have to Mediate”

This myth follows on from the last one, and it is a worry we hear almost every day. Attending a MIAM does not commit you to mediation.

Mediation is a voluntary process. Even if the mediator thinks mediation could work for your case, you are under absolutely no obligation to proceed. After your MIAM, you can:

• Decide to try mediation
• Explore other forms of dispute resolution, such as arbitration or collaborative law
• Proceed with a court application (the mediator will sign your forms)
• Take time to think about your options

The purpose of a MIAM is to make sure you have all the information you need to make an informed decision. Nothing more.

Myth 4: “MIAMs Are a Waste of Time, the Court Will Sort It Out”

It can be tempting to think that going straight to court is the quickest way to resolve things. But the reality is quite different.

The average length of private law proceedings involving children is around 61 weeks, according to CAFCASS data. That is over a year of stress, uncertainty, and legal costs for everyone involved, including your children.

By contrast, mediation typically resolves disputes in a matter of weeks, not months or years. And it all starts with a MIAM.

Here is how the two routes compare:

A MIAM is far from a waste of time. For many families, it is the moment things start to move forward.

Myth 5: “There Is No Point if My Ex Will Not Attend”

This is a very common concern, and it is completely understandable. But here is the important thing: you only need to attend your own MIAM. You cannot control whether the other person attends theirs.

If your ex-partner refuses to attend a MIAM, or does not respond to the mediator’s invitation within 10 working days, the mediator can still sign your court forms. You will be able to proceed with your application.

In fact, under the Family Procedure Rules (updated April 2024), there is now an expectation that respondents attend a MIAM too. If they do not, the court may take their non-attendance into account.

So attending your MIAM is always worthwhile, even if you think the other person will not cooperate.

Myth 6: “MIAMs Are Only Available in Person”

This might have been true years ago, but it certainly is not now. MIAMs can take place online via video call (such as Zoom), making them accessible wherever you are.

Online MIAMs are:

• Fully valid for court purposes
• Often available within 48 hours
• Usually more affordable than in-person sessions
• Ideal if you live in a rural area, have childcare responsibilities, or simply prefer the convenience

At Mediate UK, we offer both online and in-person MIAMs across England and Wales. Our urgent MIAM service can even arrange an appointment within 24 hours if you need to act quickly.

Myth 7: “I Am Exempt from a MIAM Because My Case Is Urgent”

Urgency is one of the MIAM exemptions, but it is much narrower than most people realise. Since the Family Procedure Rules were updated in April 2024, the urgency exemption has been tightened.

You may be exempt from attending a MIAM if there is:

• A risk to the life, liberty, or physical safety of you or your family
• A risk of unlawful removal of a child from the United Kingdom
• A risk that significant evidence will be irretrievably lost
• A risk of proceedings being started in another country
• Significant financial hardship (previously this was “unreasonable hardship”, but the test is now stricter)

Simply feeling that your case is urgent, or being frustrated that things are taking too long, will not usually qualify as an exemption. If you are unsure, it is worth speaking to a mediator or solicitor to check.

The other main MIAM exemptions include:

• Domestic abuse: You will need to provide evidence, such as a police report, court order, or letter from a domestic abuse charity
• Child protection concerns: Where a child is subject to a child protection plan or local authority enquiries
• Previous MIAM attendance: If you attended a MIAM or participated in NCDR relating to the same dispute in the last four months
• Disability: Where a disability prevents attendance and the mediator cannot offer appropriate facilities, including online options

If you claim an exemption, you will need to provide evidence with your court application. The court will check whether the exemption was validly claimed.

Myth 8: “MIAMs Are Expensive and Not Worth the Cost”

When you are already dealing with the financial pressures of separation, any extra cost can feel like a burden. But MIAMs are one of the most affordable steps in the family law process.

Here is what you can expect to pay:

If you or your ex-partner qualify for legal aid, both the MIAM and any subsequent mediation sessions will be free. Even if you do not qualify for legal aid, the government’s Family Mediation Voucher Scheme provides up to £500 towards mediation costs for eligible cases involving children. The voucher cannot be used for the MIAM itself, but it can significantly reduce the cost of mediation that follows.

Compare that to a court application fee of £270 for a C100, plus solicitor fees that can run into thousands. A MIAM is a small investment that could save you a great deal.

Myth 9: “Mediation and MIAMs Cannot Help if We Disagree Strongly”

If you and the other person could easily agree, you probably would not need a MIAM in the first place. MIAMs and mediation are designed for situations where there is disagreement.

Mediators are professionally trained to handle high-conflict situations. They use structured techniques to keep discussions focused and productive, even when emotions are running high. And remember, you do not have to be in the same room. Shuttle mediation (where each person is in a separate room or on a separate call) is available for situations where direct contact would be too difficult.

A Family Mediation Council survey found that over 70% of mediations end in a full or partial agreement. At Mediate UK, 90% of clients who completed joint mediation in 2025 reached a full or partial agreement. That includes cases where people started out thinking agreement was impossible.

A MIAM gives you the chance to explore whether mediation could work, with no pressure and no commitment. It is always held individually, so you can speak openly and confidentially before any joint meeting takes place. Many people are surprised by how much can be achieved.

What Happens After a MIAM? Your Next Steps

Once you have attended your MIAM, you will have a clear picture of your options. Here is a step-by-step overview of what typically happens next:

Step 1: Attend your MIAM
Meet with a qualified mediator individually for 45–60 minutes. Discuss your situation, learn about your options, and ask any questions.

Step 2: The other person is invited
If mediation looks suitable, the mediator will contact the other person and invite them to attend their own MIAM.

Step 3: Decide on your next step
You can choose to proceed with mediation, explore another form of dispute resolution, or apply to court. The mediator will sign the relevant forms (C100, Form A, or FM1) regardless of which option you choose.

Step 4: If you mediate
Joint sessions are arranged (in person or online) where you work towards a practical agreement. Sessions typically last 60–90 minutes.

Step 5: Make it legally binding
If you reach an agreement, it can be written up and turned into a legally binding consent order with the help of a solicitor.

Important: Your MIAM certificate is only valid for four months. If you do not make your court application within that time, you will need to attend a new MIAM.