12 things you should include when agreeing a parenting plan

What is a parenting plan?

A parenting plan is the written record of how you and the other parent will raise your children while you live apart. It is sometimes called a co-parenting agreement, and Cafcass now calls its own template “Our Child’s Plan”, but they all do the same job. The plan captures what you have agreed in one place so nobody has to remember conversations or scroll back through messages months later when something needs to be sorted.

You do not have to have a parenting plan in place to separate. Many parents start without one and find they only need a written agreement once a disagreement crops up. Putting something on paper early can prevent those disagreements becoming bigger arguments later, and gives both parents a calm reference point when emotions are running high.

A good plan is practical, child focused and flexible. It is also a living document, what suits a four year old will not suit a fourteen year old, so the best plans expect to be revisited and updated as the children grow.

Is a parenting plan legally binding in the UK?

No, a parenting plan is not automatically legally binding in England and Wales. It is a voluntary agreement, similar in status to a memorandum of understanding. If you both stick to what you have agreed, that is usually all you need.

If you want the agreement to be enforceable, you can apply to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order by consent. Most parents who reach an agreement in mediation never need to do this, but the option is there. A signed plan can also be shown to the court later as evidence of what arrangements have been working, which carries real weight if a dispute does end up in front of a judge.

Free parenting plan template generator

If you would like a head start, our sister site The Divorce Circle has a free parenting plan generator that walks you through every section step by step and produces a finished plan you can download, print or share. It is a fast, no cost way to get a draft on paper before you sit down to agree the details.

The generator is helpful even if you are already working with a mediator, you can bring your draft to your first mediation appointment so the session focuses on the points you still need to agree.

What to include in a parenting plan: 12 essential sections

No two families look the same, but a strong parenting plan usually covers the same twelve areas. Work through each one in order so nothing important is left to chance.

1General principles

Start with a short statement about how you both want to raise the children. Cover the role each parent plays, your children’s strengths and personalities, and your shared hopes for their emotional and physical wellbeing. These principles set the tone for the rest of the plan and remind both parents what they are working towards when smaller details get tricky.

2Where the children will stay, and when

This is the heart of most plans. Many parents use a four week rota so the pattern repeats and the children know what to expect. Some families use a 50/50 schedule with equal time at each home, others a weekday/weekend split, and others build a custom pattern around shift work, school commutes or younger children’s needs.

Whatever pattern you choose, write down which parent the children sleep with each night, who handles school drop offs and pick ups, and what happens if the schedule needs to change at short notice (for example, illness, school events or a work emergency).

An example of a parenting schedule is below. Every family is different, this is included to show how it may look, not as a standard:

Most schedules drift over time as the children’s activities and school lives change. Build in a review point (every six or twelve months works well) so the plan stays current without one parent feeling pressured to renegotiate every few weeks.

3School holidays and half terms

Most state school children have around thirteen weeks of school holidays each year. A separate holiday rota stops disputes building up in the diary, and lets the parent who sees the children less in term time make up the difference.

Set out arrangements for the three half terms, Easter, the summer break and Christmas. Many parents alternate odd and even years for the bigger holidays (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Mum in odd years, Dad in even years, for example) so neither parent misses the same milestone two years running. For more on the festive period see our practical guide to school holidays for separated parents.

4Communication between parents

Agree how you will talk to each other about the children. Some parents have a monthly catch up over coffee, others a short phone call every Sunday evening, others a shared digital diary. Whatever works for you, set the expectation in writing so nobody has to chase or guess.

If face to face contact is difficult, a handover book that travels with the children can be invaluable. Keep entries factual (homework, medicines given, mood, sleep, kit needed for the next day) and respectful, because the children may well read it.

5Special days, Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day

Once you have the term time and holiday rotas in place, decide how special days work. Most parents prioritise Mother’s Day with Mum and Father’s Day with Dad. Birthdays (yours, the children’s, step siblings’) can be added so the children spend the day with whoever they would most naturally want to be with.

Christmas and New Year are often the most contested. Try to focus on what the children would enjoy and what works for grandparents and the wider family, rather than what feels fair to the adults.

6Costs and child maintenance

Cover any child maintenance payments and how one off costs will be split, school trips, uniform, after school clubs, mobile phones, music lessons, instruments, exam fees, driving lessons, prom outfits. The more specific you are, the fewer arguments you will have later.

Start with the government child maintenance calculator to work out the statutory figure. Many parents agree to add a top up or to split bigger costs 50/50 on top of the calculator amount.

7Schools and education

If you both have parental responsibility, you both have a say in which school the children attend. Agree how you will handle school choice, parents’ evenings, school events, reports, and contact with teachers. Ask the school to put both parents on every email and letter, schools are usually happy to do this once they know the family is separated.

8Health, medical decisions and consent

Both parents with parental responsibility should be told as soon as practicable if a child is admitted to hospital, and should be involved in non emergency decisions like vaccinations, dental work or counselling. Agree to share smaller information too, whether a child has been given paracetamol or Calpol before handover, allergies, asthma inhalers, prescriptions, mental health appointments.

9Grandparents and wider family

Grandparents have their own rights to see their grandchildren and your plan should make space for them and for cousins, aunts, uncles and family friends who matter to the children. Children often grieve the loss of these relationships more than the loss of the family home, so protecting them is worth the effort.

10New partners

This is one of the most common reasons settled parenting arrangements suddenly break down. Even if neither of you is in a new relationship yet, agree now how new partners will be introduced. A typical agreement is that no new partner is introduced to the children for at least six months, that both parents are told before any introduction, and that the introduction is handled gradually rather than sprung on the children.

11Holidays abroad and passports

If you want to take the children abroad, you need permission from everyone with parental responsibility, no matter how short the trip. The exception is if you hold a Child Arrangements Order naming you as the resident parent, in which case you can travel for up to 28 days without further consent.

Set out in the plan how you will share flight details and accommodation, who holds the passports, who pays for renewals, and whether the children will be in contact with the other parent while away. England and Wales is a single legal jurisdiction so no permission is needed for trips within the country, but be careful with Scotland, Northern Ireland and the Channel Islands, which are separate jurisdictions.

Our blog on term time holidays goes into more detail about authorised absence and fines.

12Religion, discipline and dispute resolution

Add any specific religious arrangements, places of worship, festivals, dietary rules, faith schooling. Then agree the ground rules you both want to apply at both homes (screen time limits, bedtimes, no name calling, no derogatory talk about the other parent). Finally, agree what you will do if you cannot resolve a future dispute. Most parenting plans commit to using family mediation first before any court application.

Co-parenting agreement or parenting plan, what is the difference?

There is no legal difference, the two terms describe the same thing. A co-parenting agreement is just another name for a parenting plan, often used when parents agree a roughly 50/50 split of time and decision making. Cafcass calls its template “Our Child’s Plan” since 2024, but the document does the same job.

Choose whichever term feels right for your family. What matters is the content, not the label.

How to agree a parenting plan when communication is hard

Plenty of parents agree their parenting plan over the kitchen table. If that is not where you are right now, there are several routes you can take:

• Use the free template generator: Each of you completes The Divorce Circle’s free parenting plan tool separately and compares answers. Often the overlap is bigger than expected, and the gaps become the agenda for your conversation.
• Try family mediation: A trained family mediator sits with you both (in person or online) and helps you work through each section of the plan calmly. We reach an agreement in around 90% of cases.
• Shuttle mediation: If you cannot face being in the same room, your mediator can hold the meeting in separate rooms and move between you.
• Get one off legal advice: A solicitor can give you a one hour review of a draft plan so you know what is reasonable before you agree.

What if we still cannot agree?

If mediation breaks down, the next step is usually an application to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order. You apply on a Form C100, and you will normally need to have attended a MIAM first.

Even where parents end up in court, the judge will expect you to have behaved reasonably and responsibly before getting there. Refusing to engage with mediation or with a sensible parenting plan can affect how the court views your case. Our Ultimate Guide to a C100 Form walks you through the application in detail.

How much does a parenting plan cost?

A parenting plan costs nothing if you and the other parent can agree the content yourselves. Use the free generator on The Divorce Circle or download the Cafcass Our Child’s Plan template and complete it together.

If you need a mediator’s help, mediation at Mediate UK is £120 plus VAT per person per hour. A finished plan drafted by your mediator is £90 plus VAT per person. With the £500 government voucher applied to your case, many parents pay very little out of pocket. The full breakdown is on our costs and payments page.

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