Most Frequently Asked Family Mediation Questions

Family mediation is a way of resolving the issues around your divorce, separation or ongoing parenting arrangements without going to court. A professional family mediator acts as a neutral third party, keeping discussions fair, balanced and focused on the things that matter, so you can reach an agreement that lets you both move on.

Without mediation, the alternative for most people is applying to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order or a Financial Order. Court is slow, expensive and adversarial, and for family disputes it is rarely the best place to find a workable solution. Nationally, 74% of people who mediate reach an agreement, and at Mediate UK that figure rises to 90% of clients who go on to joint mediation.

Mediation is not therapy or relationship counselling. While it can look at how you communicate with each other, it is very much about planning the future rather than looking back over the past.

Not at all. Family mediation can help separated parents, grandparents who want arrangements to see their grandchildren, couples who were living together but never married, and couples who divorced years ago but have new financial or parenting issues to resolve.

A good rule of thumb: if the dispute is one you could ultimately take to the family court, family mediation can help you resolve it.

Yes. We have been helping couples mediate since 2011 and, of those who go on to mediate together, 90% reach an agreement. The national average is 74%, so whichever family mediation service you choose, you are far more likely than not to resolve your dispute through mediation.

Court, by comparison, is slow. According to Ministry of Justice figures, private law children cases took an average of 37 weeks from application to final order in 2025. Mediation can usually be set up within days.

There are several differences, but these are the main ones:

• Family mediation is a process that replaces going to court
• Mediation looks forwards, not back over the relationship
• Family mediators focus on the issues to be resolved, not the underlying relationship
• Considering mediation is, in most cases, a legal requirement before going to court

Counselling can certainly help with your ongoing relationship with each other or the wider family, and some people find it useful alongside mediation. They simply do different jobs.

Progressive mediation is the approach Mediate UK has developed to help you reach an agreement as cost-effectively as possible. We focus on the issues that will help you move forward, prioritise any children of the relationship, and keep discussions on what you can do in the future rather than what has happened in the past.

This means better value for your money and a quicker resolution, letting you deal with the practical requirements of your divorce or separation so you have more space for the emotional side.

Every mediation starts with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, known as a MIAM (sometimes called an intake meeting). You attend this meeting on your own, without the other party.

The MIAM serves two purposes:

• It is your chance to explain your situation to the mediator: what the issues are, what you would like to happen and any concerns you may have.
• The mediator gives you full information about how mediation works and decides whether mediation is suitable for your case. You can also decide at this stage whether you want to attempt mediation.

You can book a MIAM online or call us on 0330 999 0959.

Appointments are usually available within 48 hours of booking. You can book online or call 0330 999 0959. If you have a court deadline or another urgent reason, our Urgent MIAM service may suit you better.

If you decide to apply to court, your MIAM must have taken place within the four months before you make your application. If your certificate is older than that, you will usually need to attend another MIAM before the court will accept your application.

This varies from case to case. For a single-issue matter, such as parenting arrangements at Christmas, a holiday abroad or a change to spousal maintenance, many people reach agreement in just one joint mediation session.

For most clients dealing with parenting or financial matters, the average is three 90-minute mediation appointments.

Click on the flow chart below for Mediate UK's process. We are different from most mediation services as we can also make your agreement legally binding as part of a fixed fee package.

But the start of the process is the same nationally. In most cases we would see you individually at first for your MIAM and then prepare a plan for your joint mediation meetings. We would usually discuss any parenting arrangements first, before completing a financial disclosure with you both and then going through your financial agreement.

You would normally have an outcome summary prepared at the end of your joint meetings and, once agreement is reached, the mediator can draft a full parenting plan, memorandum of understanding and financial agreement.

These documents can then be made legally binding depending on your circumstances.

Mediate UK Flowchart

The mediator will agree with you before the sessions what you wish to discuss. This usually revolves around future parenting arrangements and the financial agreement you can reach, but it can also cover how you communicate with each other moving forwards, or what interim arrangements can be put in place while your divorce is taking place.

Mediation also works well for specific single issues, such as a family holiday, arrangements at Christmas, or who will make the next mortgage payment on your property. And it can help grandparents who wish to agree arrangements to see their grandchildren.

No. Most mediation does involve you both being in the same room with your mediator, as this tends to work best and helps you reach an agreement in less time. But you can choose shuttle mediation instead, where you are in separate rooms with different arrival and departure times, and the mediator divides their time equally between you.

With online mediation you do not even have to be in the same building. You can do shuttle mediation online too, using separate break-out rooms, so you never appear on the same screen as the other party if you prefer not to.

Online mediation works in much the same way as face-to-face mediation. The mediator holds separate MIAM appointments with each of you and then puts a plan together for your joint mediation appointments, which take place by video call.

It can work really well. Only one person can speak at a time, and because you are not in the same room, heightened emotions tend to be less of a problem. It also means you can choose any of our mediators nationwide, rather than only those local to you.

Yes, and it is encouraged in family law. If both parents agree, the children can be invited to mediation by a specially trained family mediator. This is called Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM).

The children speak to the mediator on their own and then, with their permission, their views are fed back to the parents at a separate meeting. If you went to court, Cafcass would usually speak with the children (provided they are old enough and the judge agrees), so child inclusive mediation simply replaces that process in a gentler setting.

Absolutely. Confidentiality is one of the five core principles of family mediation in the UK. You can speak freely to your mediator during the MIAM without worrying that what you say will be passed on to the other party.

Discussions in mediation are also legally privileged, often described as 'without prejudice'. This means you can safely explore options, discuss solutions and make offers without being bound by them if mediation breaks down and your case later goes to court. It is a safe negotiating environment.

There are limited exceptions, such as where a child is identified as being at risk of serious harm, or where money laundering is taking place. In those rare circumstances the mediator has a legal obligation to pass the information on.

At Mediate UK, a MIAM costs £138 including VAT per person, and joint mediation is from £120 plus VAT per person, per hour. Most parenting or financial issues are resolved within three 90-minute joint sessions.

You can also choose one of our fixed fee packages, which combine your mediation with the legal work needed to make your agreement binding. For a full breakdown, including our cost estimator, see our family mediation costs page.

Help with costs is available too: see the questions below on the £500 family mediation voucher and legal aid.

This is by agreement between you. Most services quote per person, as it shows a commitment to the process if both parties are paying their share. Sometimes couples agree that one party will pay for both, and sometimes the costs are settled from the financial agreement reached at the end.

Most mediation services, including Mediate UK, ask you to pay as you go for the mediation you receive, so there is no large upfront bill.

The family mediation voucher scheme is a government contribution of up to £500 per family (inclusive of VAT) towards the cost of mediation. It is not means-tested, so eligibility depends on the type of dispute rather than your income or assets.

The voucher is available for cases involving child arrangements, or family finances where there is also a dispute about children. A finance-only case does not qualify, and the voucher does not cover the cost of your MIAM or document preparation.

Only mediators authorised by the Family Mediation Council can use the scheme. Your mediator applies on your behalf and the £500 is paid directly to them, so there is no paperwork for you.

Possibly. Legal aid for family mediation is means-tested, so if you are on certain benefits or have a low income without many assets, it may cover your MIAM and your mediation sessions. You can check your eligibility here HERE.

If you are eligible, there is a benefit for the other party too: they will not have to pay for their MIAM or their first joint mediation session. And if one of you qualifies for legal aid and the other does not, the non-legally-aided party can still apply for the £500 mediation voucher for child arrangements cases.

Mediate UK holds a Legal Aid Agency contract, which means we can offer legally aided mediation directly. You can read more in our legal aid guide.

In most cases, yes, you must at least consider mediation. It is a legal requirement to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) before you can ask the family court to make a decision on your case, unless an exemption applies. Exemptions include situations involving domestic abuse, urgency and child protection concerns.

Attending a MIAM does not commit you to mediating. If, having attended, either you or the mediator decides mediation is not right for your case, you do not have to continue, and you will receive the certificate you need for a court application.

The rules were strengthened in April 2024. Courts now take a much closer interest in whether you have genuinely considered non-court options, judges can pause proceedings to allow mediation to take place, and a party who refuses to engage without good reason can be penalised in costs. So if you have been invited to a MIAM and do not respond or decline, you should expect to explain your reasons to the judge.

Every family mediation service in the UK should recommend legal advice during the process. Good advice before and during mediation helps you make informed decisions, and a solicitor can check your agreement at the end.

To get the most specific advice on a financial case, it helps to have a full financial disclosure from each party, so the solicitor can see the complete picture. You can find a solicitor local to you (we recommend searching for a Resolution accredited solicitor), or book one of our fixed fee legal advice packages, which include a written report you can bring into mediation. The two-hour package does not have to be used in one go, so you could take advice before and after your mediation sessions.

At the end of the process, you will usually need a family law solicitor to make your agreement legally binding, or you can choose one of Mediate UK's fixed fee legal packages. The choice is always yours.

Financial disclosure is the process of setting out what you both own and owe, so any financial agreement is based on the full picture. There are three levels of disclosure you can make with Mediate UK:

• High level: just the total for each of the four disclosure categories (property, other assets, liabilities and pensions).
• Financial disclosure forms: you complete our spreadsheets, which are legally acceptable for a disclosure. Around 80% of our clients choose this option.
• Form E: you both complete a Form E and sign it off as accurate. This is the form you would complete if you went to court.

The disclosure is exchanged between you, and you each have the chance to examine it, ask questions through the mediation process, and finally agree it. It must be accurate and up to date, and include everything, even assets that are not being divided or changing hands. An accurate disclosure allows you both to get a consent order from the court; without one, either of you could make a future claim against the other.

If clients opt for a high-level disclosure only, they must sign a disclaimer before the agreement can be sent to the solicitors. If you cannot agree which option to use, the default is for each of you to complete a Form E. There is a full guide to financial disclosure on our blog.

At the end of the mediation process you will usually receive one or more of the following documents:

• An outcome statement: used when no agreement, or only partial agreement, is reached. It narrows the issues so that, if you do go on to the legal process, you only need to deal with what remains unresolved.
• A memorandum of understanding: the main document produced from a successful mediation, setting out what you have agreed. It is not legally binding on its own, but it can be made binding through a consent order alongside your divorce.
• A parenting plan: how you will raise your children while living separately, covering everything from schooling and holidays to grandparents and religious considerations. It can be made legally binding by consent through a child arrangements order.
• A financial statement: the summary of your agreed financial disclosure.

You can also have your intentions recorded in a deed of separation, usually drafted by a solicitor, with signatures witnessed and the document held on file. Making your agreement legally binding is exactly what our fixed fee packages are designed for.

Family mediation is always voluntary, even when a case is adjourned by the court so you can attempt it. You do not have to attend, and neither does the other party. Willing engagement is one of the core principles of mediation: both of you have to want to resolve the matter for it to work.

If the other party will not attend and is not communicating, you can apply to the court once you have attended a MIAM. In that situation, our Urgent MIAM service may be more suitable for you.

Bear in mind that the court expects both parties to have genuinely considered mediation. A party who refuses to engage without a good reason may have to explain themselves to the judge and can be penalised in costs, and if someone fails to attend a court hearing without good reason, an order can be made in their absence.

If mediation does not work, most people have six options:

• Do nothing: if you cannot agree to change the current situation, you may accept that you tried and continue with the status quo.
• Take a break: in high-tension, emotive matters it can help to pause and try again in a few months once things have calmed down.
• Barrister review: an independent barrister writes a report on what the law is, how it applies to your case and, if you went to court, what the likely outcome would be. See the next question for more detail.
• Solicitor-led negotiation: your respective solicitors negotiate between them in the hope of reaching an agreement before court.
• Arbitration: you both need to agree to it, but you get a legally binding outcome, generally cheaper and quicker than court.
• Apply to the family court: by attending mediation that subsequently broke down, you will have satisfied the legal requirement to submit an application to the court.

Barrister reviews are a great tool if mediation breaks down, and they can also be used from the outset of negotiations if you both agree. Set up by Mediate UK in 2015, we hold a licence for direct access to the bar.

We carry out a full financial disclosure, then ask you each to list the issues you cannot agree on, what you would like to happen for each one, and your reasons why. We send this report to an independent, expert family law barrister, who writes a report on what the law is, how it applies to your case and what a likely outcome at court would be.

The results speak for themselves: in recent years, almost every case has either accepted the barrister review or negotiated slightly around it to reach an agreement, avoiding the cost and stress of court entirely.

Many clients come to us not wanting to instruct separate solicitors, but not needing full mediation either, because they have already reached agreement or are very close to it.

If that sounds like you, consider Divorce Facilitation. We collate your financial disclosure and get an overview of your situation and what you have agreed. You then have a 90-minute meeting with one of our divorce experts to sense-check your agreement, make sure you have considered everything the court would want you to have looked at, and help ensure you are splitting the assets as cost-effectively as possible.

It is a great way to fast-track your agreement to our family law solicitors to be made legally binding.

Sometimes the relationship between parents is so fraught that working together on arrangements feels impossible. In court proceedings, Cafcass can direct parents to its Planning Together for Children programme (which replaced the Separated Parents Information Programme), where parents learn to prioritise their children and manage conflict in their ongoing relationship.

Mediate UK wants to keep parents out of court, so we have teamed up with Kids Come First to provide coaching to parents going through a separation. It works really well where there is high conflict, where your views on parenting are far apart, or where you simply want an experienced professional to guide you through the separation.

There are three levels of family mediator:

• Trained Family Mediator: has successfully completed a Family Mediation Council (FMC) approved training course and will usually be working towards accreditation.
• Accredited Family Mediator (FMCA): has completed a portfolio of cases, which usually takes around two years, and is fully accredited by the FMC.
• Professional Practice Consultant (PPC): the most experienced level. A PPC has passed a further course, has several years of experience, and coaches and supervises other family mediators.

You can check any mediator's status on the Family Mediation Council register. All Mediate UK mediators are FMC registered.

There are several factors to consider when choosing who to trust with your family mediation:

• Qualifications: anyone can call themselves a mediator, but a family mediator must have completed a recognised family mediation course. Always check they are registered with the Family Mediation Council.
• Membership: the mediator, and preferably the company, should belong to one of the five FMC member organisations: the College of Mediators, the Law Society, Resolution, the Family Mediators Association or National Family Mediation.
• Experience: how long have they been mediating? A few years, or over a decade?
• Size: is the mediator a one or two-person micro business, or an established service with a choice of mediators? This matters if your mediator falls ill long term, retires, or the business closes. What would happen to your case?
• Cost: how much do they charge per hour? If you are eligible for legal aid, choose a mediator who provides legally aided mediation. Price does not always reflect quality or fit.
• Reviews and recommendations: nothing beats a personal recommendation. If you do not know anyone who has used a mediator, look at their reviews online.
• Legal packages and other services: what do they charge for the documents at the end of mediation? Do they help make your agreement legally binding? Can they recommend a pension expert, legal advisor or mortgage broker if your case needs one?