DIVORCE MYTHS

Key Takeaways

• Since no-fault divorce became law in April 2022, you no longer cite adultery, unreasonable behaviour or any other grounds. You simply confirm the marriage has broken down.
• The divorce only ends the marriage. Without a consent order approved by the court, your ex can still make a financial claim years later.
• A 50/50 split is a starting point, not a rule. Conduct such as an affair very rarely changes the financial outcome.
• The court fee is £628 for the divorce application and £62 for a consent order, with help available on a low income.
• Many family disputes are resolved through negotiation, mediation or solicitor-led agreement, without a final court hearing.

On this page

Myth

Divorce always means a court battle

The Truth

For most couples it does not. The divorce itself is an administrative process completed online, and many separations are settled by agreement, negotiation or mediation rather than a requiring court hearings. Court is usually only needed where parenting or financial issues genuinely cannot be resolved any other way, and there are several out-of-court options long before it comes to that.

Myth

You have to prove fault, like adultery or unreasonable behaviour

The Truth

Not since April 2022. The no-fault divorce system removed blame entirely. You no longer cite any grounds or reasons, you simply confirm that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. Adultery and behaviour are no longer part of the divorce at all, and you cannot name a third party.

Myth

We have been separated for two years, so the divorce is automatic

The Truth

No divorce is automatic, however long you have been apart. Separation periods were scrapped along with fault, so you still need to make a formal application and follow each step. Separation can still be relevant when sorting out finances, which is where a separation agreement can help, but it does not start or speed up the divorce on its own.

Myth

No-fault divorce means a quick divorce

The Truth

There is no such thing as a quickie divorce in England and Wales. There is a built-in minimum of approximately 26 weeks and one day: a 20-week reflection period before you can apply for the conditional order, then a further six weeks and one day before you can apply for the final order. Most divorces take six to twelve months overall, and you can start the divorce application on GOV.UK.

Myth

I can refuse to agree and stop my ex divorcing me

The Truth

In most cases, you cannot stop a divorce simply because you do not agree with it. Challenges are now limited to very specific legal circumstances, such as disputes about jurisdiction or the validity of the marriage. If the divorce is going ahead anyway, it is far better to have a say in how the arrangements are handled, which tends to be quicker, cheaper and far less stressful for everyone.

Myth

You must use a solicitor to get divorced

The Truth

You can complete the divorce application yourselves. That said, the financial side is where things most often go wrong, so most people benefit from advice on the consent order even if they handle the divorce paperwork themselves. Our fixed-fee legal advice packages are a straightforward way to get that advice without an open-ended bill.

Myth

A divorce costs thousands of pounds

The Truth

The court fee for the divorce application is £628, and a financial consent order adds £62. If you are on a low income or certain benefits you may pay a reduced fee or nothing at all through Help with Fees. Costs only really escalate when parenting or finances are disputed, and you can see our own fixed costs here.

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Myth

Everything is split 50/50

The Truth

A 50/50 division is a common starting point, not a rule. It is sometimes called the ‘yardstick of equality’. The court looks at fairness rather than equality for its own sake, weighing things like each person’s needs, income and earning capacity, the length of the marriage and where the children will live. One person may receive more if they need it, for example to house the children, as our guide to financial settlement explains.

Myth

My ex had an affair, so I will get more

The Truth

Conduct very rarely affects the financial outcome. Only behaviour that is exceptionally serious and financially relevant would be considered, and even then it is not guaranteed. The court’s focus is firmly on practical needs and the Section 25 factors, not blame.

Myth

The house is in my name, so my ex has no claim

The Truth

Legal ownership alone does not decide what is fair. The family home is usually treated as a marital asset whoever is named on the deeds, because of needs, contributions and its role as the family base. There are cases where a court has transferred a property to a spouse who was never on the mortgage, and our overview of the options for your property sets out the alternatives.

Myth

The divorce ends our financial ties

The Truth

This is one of the most costly misunderstandings of all. The divorce only ends the marriage, not your financial links. Without a financial order approved by the court, your ex can make a claim against your assets years later. A clean break consent order is the only way to close that door for good.

Myth

We trust each other, so we do not need anything in writing

The Truth

Even the friendliest agreement is not enforceable unless it is made into a formal order. Circumstances change, new partners, new jobs and new homes all come into the picture, and a written order protects you both. You can read more about how an agreement is made legally binding.

Myth

Common law marriage gives us the same rights

The Truth

There is no such thing as common law marriage in England and Wales, and there has not been since 1753. However long you have lived together, cohabiting couples have no automatic right to share each other’s assets. A cohabitation agreement is the sensible safeguard, and this myth causes real hardship precisely because so many people believe it. The Government are currently consulting on making changes to this to protect couples who co-habit but it is not law yet.

Myth

Prenups are not worth the paper they are written on

The Truth

Prenuptial agreements are not automatically binding, but the courts will give them real weight where both people entered into them freely, with full disclosure and independent legal advice. Since the leading case of Radmacher v Granatino, a well-drafted prenup is far from worthless.

Myth

I am automatically entitled to spousal maintenance

The Truth

There is no automatic entitlement to spousal maintenance. It is based on need and on both people’s budgets going forward, and modern cases lean towards financial independence where that can be achieved, though maintenance is still appropriate in some situations. It is also a completely separate matter from child maintenance.

Myth

My ex can easily hide their assets

The Truth

Hiding assets is much harder than people think, as most dealings leave an electronic trail. Both of you can be required to give full financial disclosure, and lying on a Form E can amount to fraud or contempt of court.

Myth

Transfers between us are always tax-free, and pensions before the marriage do not count

The Truth

Spouses can usually transfer assets between themselves on a no gain, no loss basis, but that defers any capital gains tax rather than removing it. Since April 2023, separating spouses and civil partners have significantly longer to make these transfers without an immediate capital gains tax charge, often up to three tax years after separation, and sometimes longer where the transfer is made under a formal court order. Pensions can be a grey area too, and those built up before the marriage can still be in scope, as our pensions on divorce guide explains. Early advice on the tax position can be helpful.

Myth

Anything I owned before the marriage or inherited is automatically protected

The Truth

Assets you brought into the marriage or inherited are usually treated as non-matrimonial, and the starting point is that they are not shared in the same way as the assets you built up together. The Supreme Court confirmed this distinction in Standish v Standish [2025] UKSC 26, and made clear that simply transferring an asset to a spouse, for example for tax reasons, does not automatically make it shared. The picture can change if those assets have been mixed into the family finances over the years, and in many divorces both people’s needs come first, which can still bring non-matrimonial assets into play.

Family Law Service

Make your financial agreement legally binding

Once you have agreed how to divide things, a clean break consent order turns that agreement into a court order and protects you from future claims. Our sister service can prepare one for you at a fixed price.

Myth

The children automatically go to the mother

The Truth

The court’s only concern is the welfare of the child, not the gender of the parent. As parenting roles have become more shared, fathers increasingly take on the main caring role, and arrangements are decided using the welfare checklist rather than any default in favour of one parent.

Myth

The normal arrangement is the children see their dad every other weekend

The Truth

There is no set or normal arrangement. Plans often differ between term time and holidays, change as children grow and flex to suit everyone involved. More and more parents agree a shared arrangement where that is right for the child, and a parenting plan is a good way to set it all out.

Myth

If my ex does not pay child maintenance, I can stop them seeing the children

The Truth

Contact and child maintenance are treated as two completely separate matters. If your ex is not paying, the Child Maintenance Service can help you recover what is owed, but it does not give you grounds to withhold contact, and withholding contact can cause problems of its own.

Myth

It is a custody battle

The Truth

The word custody no longer exists in family law here. The courts talk about child arrangements, and the whole approach is built around cooperation rather than a fight. Mediation keeps the children at the centre of the conversation rather than caught in the middle.

Myth

I can stop my ex introducing the children to a new partner

The Truth

You cannot prevent this on your own. You could ask the court to consider it, if there are serious welfare risks, which takes time, or agree a gradual plan through mediation, which is usually far quicker and less stressful for everyone, the children included.

Myth

I can change the children’s surname myself after divorce

The Truth

You need the consent of everyone with parental responsibility before changing a child’s surname. It is not something one parent can do alone, even after the divorce is final.

Myth

If we cannot agree, the court will simply decide for us

The Truth

A court can decide, but a contested case can take many months and cost thousands of pounds each. Statistically, you are likely to reach an agreement at some point in the court process, so it is almost always better to do so sooner and more cheaply, with a MIAM as the usual first step.

Worried about arrangements for your children?

Mediation helps you agree practical arrangements that put your children first, without the cost and stress of a court fight. A MIAM is the first step.

Myth

You have to be in the same room

The Truth

You do not. Mediation can take place online, or face to face but in separate rooms, which is called shuttle mediation, with separate arrival and departure times. It works around what feels comfortable for you both.

Myth

The mediator decides for us

The Truth

A mediator never takes sides and never imposes a decision. Their role is to help you both reach your own agreement, fairly and on your own terms, as our guide to family mediation explains in full.

Myth

Whatever we agree in mediation is automatically legally binding

The Truth

Agreements reached in mediation are not automatically binding. To make a financial agreement enforceable it needs to be turned into a consent order and approved by the court, which is a straightforward next step once you have agreed the terms.

Myth

Mediation is just couples counselling to save the marriage

The Truth

Mediation is not relationship counselling and is not about getting back together. It is a practical process for sorting out the arrangements for your children, finances and property when you are separating.

Myth

You cannot mediate if there has been conflict between you

The Truth

Mediation is designed for couples who do not see eye to eye, that is rather the point. The MIAM appointment checks whether it is suitable for your situation, and you can use our do I need a MIAM tool to find out where you stand. Options like shuttle mediation help where things are tense.

Myth

You cannot bring anyone with you

The Truth

You can usually bring a supportive adult to your initial MIAM. In some cases you can have someone with you in the joint sessions, during shuttle mediation, or even a solicitor each, which is called collaborative mediation.

Myth

Mediation only works if you both still get on

The Truth

You do not need to be on good terms for mediation to work. Most couples come to it precisely because communication has broken down, and a little preparation helps you move from stuck positions towards a workable agreement.

Myth

Mediation is expensive and there is no legal aid

The Truth

Legal aid remains available for eligible family mediation cases through providers that hold a Legal Aid Agency contract. There is also the £500 family mediation voucher scheme towards discussions on the children, and even where neither applies, mediation is usually far less expensive than contested court proceedings.

Curious whether mediation could work for you?

Most people are surprised by how much calmer and quicker it is than they expected. Book a MIAM to get started, or get in touch with any questions.

You Are Not On Your Own

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Summary

Most divorce myths fall apart once you understand how the law works today. Blame and fault have gone, separation periods are no longer needed, and the divorce itself is mostly an online, administrative process. The areas that really matter are the things people often overlook: a financial consent order to end your financial ties for good, and sensible arrangements for any children.

You do not have to fight, and you do not have to spend a fortune. For most couples, mediation followed by a consent order is the calmest, quickest and most affordable route through.

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