Can I Call the Police If My Ex Won’t Let Me See My Child?

Can I Call the Police If My Ex Won’t Let Me See My Child?

Key Points:

• Police cannot enforce child contact arrangements as this is a civil matter, not criminal
• You can contact police if you believe your child is at immediate risk of harm or abduction
• A Child Arrangements Order is the legal route to establish and enforce contact rights
• Family mediation can help resolve disputes faster and less stressfully than court
• Keeping records of denied contact strengthens your case for future legal action
• Breaching a court order can have serious consequences, including prison in extreme cases

When your ex-partner stops you from seeing your child, it’s one of the most distressing situations any parent can face. You might be standing outside their house, texts going unanswered, feeling desperate and powerless. Your first instinct might be to ask the question ‘Can I Call the Police If My Ex Won’t Let Me See My Child? Hoping they’ll step in and enforce your rights as a parent.

But here’s the difficult truth: in most situations, the police cannot help with contact disputes. This isn’t a criminal matter, it’s a civil one. That doesn’t mean you’re without options, though. Understanding when police can intervene, what your legal rights actually are, and the practical steps you can take will help you move forward and rebuild that precious relationship with your child.

Understanding Why Police Usually Can’t Help with Contact Disputes

The police deal with criminal matters, not civil disputes. When your ex refuses to let you see your child, they’re not committing a crime in most circumstances. This is a breach of an agreement between two parents, which falls under family law rather than criminal law.

At Mediate UK, we regularly speak to parents who’ve tried calling the police, only to be told there’s nothing officers can do.

Jess Knauf, our Director of Client Strategy, explains: “We worked with a father who stood outside his ex-partner’s home for two hours, repeatedly calling 999 because he was supposed to collect his daughter. The police attended but could only advise him to seek legal help. It’s heartbreaking, but unless there’s a risk to the child’s safety, their hands are tied.”

What the Law Actually Says

The Children Act 1989 governs parental responsibility and contact arrangements in England and Wales. Both parents typically have parental responsibility, which means they both have rights and responsibilities towards their child. However, parental responsibility doesn’t automatically mean you have a legal right to see your child at specific times.

Without a court order in place, contact arrangements are essentially voluntary agreements. If your ex decides not to honour those arrangements, it’s frustrating and upsetting, but it’s not a police matter.

When Can You Involve the Police?

There are specific situations where police involvement is appropriate and necessary:

Risk of Harm to Your Child

If you genuinely believe your child is at immediate risk of harm, you should contact the police. This includes:

• Physical abuse or violence
• Severe neglect
• Exposure to domestic abuse
• Dangerous living conditions
• Concerns about your child’s immediate safety

In these circumstances, call 999. The police have safeguarding responsibilities and will investigate concerns about a child’s welfare.

Suspected Child Abduction

If your ex has taken your child and you believe they may be planning to leave the country or go into hiding, this could constitute child abduction. Under the Child Abduction Act 1984, it’s a criminal offence for a parent to take or keep a child away from another person with parental responsibility without consent.

You can report suspected abduction to the police if:

• Your ex has threatened to take your child abroad
• They’ve disappeared with your child without telling you where they are
• They’re preventing you from having any contact whatsoever
• There’s a Child Arrangements Order in place and they’re violating it by removing the child

Breach of a Court Order with a Penal Notice

This is where things become more serious. If you have a Child Arrangements Order in place that specifies when you should see your child, and your ex breaches it, they’re in contempt of court.

However, police still won’t typically enforce the order unless it has a “penal notice” attached. A penal notice is a warning on the court order that states the person can be sent to prison for breaching it. Even then, you’d usually need to go back to court to report the breach rather than expecting immediate police action.

What Should You Do Instead of Calling the Police?

Treat it as a family matter rather than a police one. What works is set out in our step-by-step guide, denied access to your child? 6 steps to see them again: keep a record, send one short, friendly message, suggest mediation, get advice and, if you need to, apply to court.

In short:

• Keep a record. Note the dates contact was refused, save messages and write down the reasons given. A court will look for a pattern, not a single missed visit.
• Send one short, friendly message. Say you want to see your child, ask what the worry is and suggest talking it through. Keep it about your child, not your ex.
• Suggest family mediation. A mediator helps you both agree arrangements without going to court, and it is usually the quickest route.
• Get legal advice if it stalls. A family law solicitor can write to your ex and tell you whether a court application is the next step.
• Apply for a child arrangements order. You will usually need to attend a MIAM first, then apply on form C100. The court can then set out when your child spends time with you.

Jess explains: “We worked with a couple where mum had stopped all contact because she was worried about dad’s new partner. Through mediation, we helped them discuss those concerns properly. Dad agreed to introductions being gradual, and mum agreed to restart contact. Within four weeks, they had a working arrangement. If they’d gone to court, it would have taken six months or more.”

What Happens If Your Ex Breaches a Court Order?

Once you have a Child Arrangements Order, your ex is legally required to comply with it. If they don’t allow contact as specified in the order, they’re in contempt of court.

Enforcement Options

You can apply to court for enforcement using Form C79. The court has several options:

Warning or reprimand: For first-time or minor breaches, the court may simply warn your ex about future compliance.

Unpaid work requirement: The court can order your ex to complete between 40-200 hours of unpaid work in the community.

Financial compensation: You can claim for financial losses caused by the breach, such as missed travel costs or lost work time.

Change the Child Arrangements Order: If there’s a pattern of obstruction, the court might change where the child lives.

Committal to prison: In the most serious cases, particularly where there are repeated, deliberate breaches, the court can send someone to prison for up to two years. This is rare and seen as a last resort.

The Case of Re M (A Child) [2017]

In this Court of Appeal case, a mother repeatedly breached contact orders over several years, making false allegations and alienating the children from their father. Despite multiple court orders and warnings, she continued to obstruct contact. Eventually, she received a suspended prison sentence. The judge noted that while imprisonment should be a last resort, persistent and deliberate defiance of court orders cannot be tolerated as it seriously harms children.

This case demonstrates that courts will take enforcement seriously when a parent deliberately and repeatedly prevents contact, but they’ll try other measures first.

Understanding Your Ex’s Perspective

While your ex’s behaviour may feel vindictive, it’s worth considering that they might have genuine concerns. Common reasons parents restrict contact include:

• Worries about the child’s safety
• Concerns about a new partner
• Belief that the child doesn’t want contact
• Anxiety about loss of control
• Unresolved hurt or anger from the separation
• Misunderstanding about parental rights

This doesn’t excuse denying contact, but understanding the underlying issues can help you address them more effectively. Sometimes what seems like obstruction is actually fear or confusion about what’s best for the child.

Protecting Your Child’s Wellbeing Throughout

When you can’t see your child because your ex won’t allow it, remember that your child is caught in the middle of adult conflict. How you handle this situation will affect them for years to come.

Best practices include:

• Never speak negatively about your ex to your child
• Don’t put your child in the position of choosing sides
• Reassure your child that both parents love them
• Keep a routine and stability where you can
• Consider therapy or counselling for your child if needed
• Focus on the long-term relationship, not winning today’s battle

At Mediate UK, we’ve seen situations where parents become so focused on their rights that they forget about their child’s emotional needs.

Your child needs both parents in their life (unless there are genuine safety concerns). Every action you take should be guided by what’s truly best for them.

Emergency Measures: Prohibited Steps Orders and Specific Issue Orders

If you’re concerned your ex might do something harmful, such as taking your child abroad without permission or making major decisions without consulting you, you can apply for additional court orders:

Prohibited Steps Order: Prevents your ex from taking specific actions, such as removing the child from the UK, changing their school, or moving them to a different area.

Specific Issue Order: Resolves disagreements about specific aspects of parenting, such as education, medical treatment, or religious upbringing.

These can be applied for at the same time as a Child Arrangements Order and provide additional legal protection.

The Mediation Alternative: A Real Example

Jess shares this example: “We worked with parents who hadn’t spoken civilly in over a year. Dad hadn’t seen his two sons in four months because mum said they were ‘too upset’ after the separation. She genuinely believed she was protecting them.

“In their first mediation session, mum explained that the boys cried after contact and said they didn’t want to go. Through careful questioning, we discovered the boys were picking up on mum’s anxiety. She’d ask them repeatedly if they wanted to see dad, which made them feel guilty for wanting to go.

“We worked with both parents on managing transitions better. Dad agreed to collect the boys from a neutral location. Mum agreed to present contact positively. Within three sessions, they had a regular contact pattern established. Six months later, the boys were thriving with two engaged parents.”

This outcome would have been impossible through police involvement and unlikely through court proceedings, which can take the better part of a year.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I call 999 if my ex won’t let me see my child?

No, unless you believe your child is at immediate risk of harm. Contact disputes are civil matters, and calling 999 inappropriately takes resources away from genuine emergencies. If you have ongoing concerns about your child’s welfare, contact your local authority’s children’s services.

What if there’s no court order in place?

Without a court order, contact arrangements are voluntary. The police cannot enforce informal agreements. You’ll need to either reach an agreement through mediation or apply for a Child Arrangements Order through the family court.

How long does it take to get a court order for contact?

From application to final order, the process typically takes 6-12 months. However, if there are urgent concerns, you can apply for an emergency hearing. The court aims to have the first hearing within 4-6 weeks of your application.

Will my ex go to prison for not letting me see my child?

Prison is extremely rare and only used as a last resort for persistent, deliberate breaches of court orders. The court will try other enforcement methods first, such as unpaid work requirements or fines. They’re also mindful that imprisoning a parent can harm the child.

Do I have to try mediation before going to court?

Yes, in most cases. You must attend a MIAM before applying for a Child Arrangements Order. There are exceptions if there’s been domestic abuse, child protection concerns, or the case is very urgent. The mediator will provide a certificate stating whether mediation is suitable.

What if my ex makes false allegations to justify stopping contact?

False allegations are taken seriously by the court. Keep evidence of everything, keep your replies polite, and seek legal advice. If allegations of abuse are made, social services or CAFCASS will investigate. The court will consider the evidence and can make findings about whether allegations are genuine.

Can grandparents help enforce contact?

Grandparents don’t have automatic legal rights to see their grandchildren, but they can apply to court for permission to apply for a Child Arrangements Order. In cases where a parent is being denied contact, grandparents sometimes play a helpful mediating role or can facilitate contact between sessions.

What happens on Christmas Day or other special occasions?

If your ex does not return a child as agreed for Christmas, birthday or other important days during the year it can make the situation even more strenuous. The importance of the day however does not affect whether the police will get involved. They may do a visit to check the child is safe, but if they are then they have no power to return them to you.

Your Next Steps

If your ex is preventing you from seeing your child, here’s your action plan:

1. Document everything from today onwards
2. Send a short, friendly message about restarting contact
3. Contact Mediate UK to explore mediation as a constructive solution
4. Seek legal advice if mediation isn’t appropriate or doesn’t work
5. Apply for a Child Arrangements Order if necessary
6. Only contact police if you believe your child is at risk of harm

The situation you’re facing is incredibly difficult. You’re grieving the loss of precious time with your child, feeling powerless, and probably angry. Those feelings are entirely valid. But how you respond now will shape your relationship with your child for years to come.

Taking the legal route doesn’t mean you’re being aggressive or making things worse. It means you’re taking responsible action to protect your relationship with your child. Courts understand that children benefit from meaningful relationships with both parents, and they’ll support that wherever it’s safe to do so.

Get Support from Mediate UK

At Mediate UK, we specialise in helping parents resolve contact disputes without the stress, cost, and time involved in court proceedings. Our experienced mediators understand the emotional complexity of these situations and can help you find practical solutions that put your child first.

Mediation can help you:

• Restart contact quickly and safely
• Create a parenting plan both of you can work with
• Improve communication for the long term
• Reduce conflict and stress for your child
• Avoid expensive and lengthy court battles

Don’t spend another week wondering ‘Can I Call the Police If My Ex Won’t Let Me See My Child?’  Take positive action today. Get in touch with Mediate UK to discuss how we can help you rebuild your relationship with your child.

Your child needs you in their life. Let’s make that happen.